In a recent video, we discussed why Facebook Arguments cannot be won and aren't effective for creating a better world. But having deep conversations with people you have real relationships with can be! Here are some templates to help guide your conversation from confrontation to collaboration. Remember though, these are just outlines and the best outcome will come from your heart and the unique relationships you have with those around you.
THE SITUATION: One of your FB friends just posted something you disagree with
THE GOAL: Connect with them deep enough to understand why they feel the way they do --
1) maybe you're wrong
2) maybe by acknowledging that others aren't dumb or unreasonable but actually have reasons, you can better work to communicate your own positions to them and others
I saw that you posted something about (issue in broad terms, don't start a fight already) (time frame, i.e. "yesterday" or "this morning"). I'm glad to see that someone else also cares about this because it's something I care about too. On your post, it looks like you believe (state their stance as you see it, without accusations or judgement because you're just trying to clarify right now if their Hate is intentional or not). I know that you (share something about their life that you think may have shaped their perspective; that's right, you have to do some reflecting on your own before you jump in because this is important and takes work) and I was wondering if that was where you were coming from with this. Even though I see it differently, I can see where you're coming from and I know that you care about (share some positive thing, maybe even relate it to a positive memory with that person) so I'm glad that you're fighting for that. We haven't connected in a while and I was wondering if you wanted to (insert more personal form of communication; always aim for in-person first, you could probably afford to get out of the house anyways) sometime to talk about this because I know why I feel how I do but I'd love to hear more about where you're coming from. Let me know when works for you! I'm available (insert your availability) and can't wait to catch up!
THE SITUATION: One of your FB friends just posted fake news
THE GOAL: Connect with them in a way that doesn't make you seem pretentious. How? By being their friend, because you are .
1) giving in to fake news is a trend, not a one time thing. stop it while you can.
2) some fake news is a different perspective slightly exaggerated. this requires you to move your friend to the truth of their side, which requires you to understand their side. Example: many folks believed Trump was conveyed worse than reality by the media. You can let your friend believe this AND let them know the article saying he's pro-LGBT is a lie.
I saw that you posted something about (issue in broad terms, don't start a fight already) (time frame, i.e. "yesterday" or "this morning"). I was really happy to see that because it's something I care a lot about and I'm excited that we can connect on it! I did want to let you know that what the article said isn't true because (explain situation as simply and quickly as possible; this isn't a lecture). That being said, the issues still matter and I was wondering if you wanted to (insert more personal form of communication; always aim for in-person first, you could probably afford to get out of the house anyways) sometime to talk about it more. Maybe we can find a fun protest to join together or something! Let me know when works for you! I'm available (insert your availability).
I saw that you posted something about the gays yesterday. I was super happy to see that because it's something I care about a lot -- obviously haha and I'm excited that you care too! I just wanted to give you a heads up that even tho Trump held the flag, his Presidency still wants to pass a bunch of policies that put LGBT people in danger. The article made it seem like the flag erased all their plans and I wish that was true bc that'd be a relief haha. Anyways! It's been literally ages and you're an actual adult now so I was wondering if you wanted to grab coffee or something soon to chat for real. I want that article to be true but we might have to fight for it. Maybe we can go to a fun protest together if any rights actually end up being targeted! Let me know when works for you for coffee. I'm free ___
PRO TIP: Use abbreviations + emojis to show that you're still the chill person they became friends with originally
PRO TIP: Try to keep in mind a bright beautiful future with both of you as friends and hateful policies are abolished. Speaking like you actually believe it's possible can help give you a tone that builds bridges instead of burning them.
PRO TIP: You have to actually believe in making this work or it won't. Not in the long haul.
Thanks for reading! I hope this helped get you started. If you have any questions about these or other scenarios you'd like a template for, let me know in the YouTube comments.